With the number of cases rising significantly just one week before Christmas – more than 3,700 on Thursday – Christmas meetings will be further restricted to prevent the spread of COVID-19 and the spread of the virus. How, in this situation, should we choose and announce who can come and celebrate or not?
How to choose your guests?
First set for 20 people, and then for 10 people now, family gatherings for the traditional Christmas dinner have been a source of headache this year because we have to choose who can sit with us.
For most professionals, you definitely need to listen to your emotions.
“You have to use your judgment and choose what is best for us. […] Sometimes we invite someone because it’s a choice we have to make, it looks beautiful and we run the risk of making a big mistake because the motivations are not right, ”explains clinical psychologist Pierre Fabert.
Like him, Genevieve Bouleu-Pelletier, a clinical psychologist and professor at the University of Quebec in Montreal, argued that one should not be guided by feelings of responsibility or guilt.
“By asking who the people we really want to see for that moment are, by asking the right questions, it makes for a good evening for us,” she says.
How to announce the news?
When announcing a decision, in order to maintain a good relationship with the person, you must honestly express what you think, request several experts.
“It’s important to talk about yourself, to give importance to what you’re experiencing, but also to someone else and to tell him that this is a heartbreaking choice and that we are afraid to hurt him,” explained Solil Laughley. Therapist who specializes in helping relationships.
For her part, Genevieve Beaulieu-Pelletier, a clinical psychologist and professor at the University of Quebec in Montreal, made the decision, but we can also suggest that the person be shown to be more important to him than at a traditional dinner.
“For meaningful relationships, but we can not choose to invite, we can reiterate the importance of our friendship and find another way to stay together, such as taking a walk or having coffee,” she adds.
How do you deal with bad reactions?
Withdrawing your invitation can lead to a feeling of rejection and exclusion, many experts explain.
“It is normal and understandable for a person to have these feelings. You have to accept that the other person is experiencing these emotions, but you also have to take some distance for the dust to settle, ”said Solil Laufleche, a therapist who specializes in helping relationships.
What should I not do?
To avoid making a statement that annoys or breaks the relationship, you should definitely avoid blaming.
“It’s not the time to criticize yourself, to convince yourself, to start arguments.” Explained Genevieve Beaulieu-Pelletier. University of Quebec in Montreal.
For Soleil Laflèche, if you do not know that you are hurting someone around you, refrain from advertising to them.
“If we are not sensitive to the fear of hurting another, there is a risk of becoming defensive like lying and it creates conflict,” she adds.