“I’m not happy at work…”

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Q. – “A priori, I have nothing to complain about: I have a good salary and a great job. But now, I am not happy at work. And I don’t even know why…” – Marika

A. – Dear Marika, You are unhappy with your daily work life and you do not have a clear idea of ​​what is causing this situation. Is your boss constantly behind you, which unfortunately happens all too often? An unbearable co-worker who is ruining your life? Or, are there so many goals to achieve that it’s stressing you out day and night?

If that was the case, you would have definitely mentioned it in your post. But there was nothing, radio silence. You are not giving me any leads.

Also, I see something implicit in your message. It’s a detail, but it seems revealing to me: you only talk about yourself, “I” being said over and over again as if you were the only one in your office. And that’s what we call a “blind spot.” Description

The blind spot is the part of the retina where the optic nerve is inserted, which transmits images to the brain. Hence it is a small part of the retina that has no photoreceptors and is completely blind.

We all have a blind spot. But we are not aware of this hole in our field of vision, because our brain has discovered the missing information.

Blind spot can be a source of road accidents. When we’re about to change lanes, we take a quick look in the side mirror and tell ourselves we can go because there’s nothing there. In truth, there may be a car passing nearby, but since we only see one eye in the rear-view mirror, the image of the car may be precisely in the blind spot: our brain, sensing nothing, discovers that there is nothing there, and as soon as we separate, it stops. (It is therefore necessary to always turn your head to check that there is nothing, as this works both eyes and eliminates the danger of being referred by a blind spot.)

In short, according to American coach Loretta Malandro, your message, the multiplicity of “I”s in Marika, made me think about one of the most frequent blind spots at work: the inability to rely on others. That is, thinking “we” instead of “I”.

Most often, when we are faced with a difficulty or challenge, we first try to find our own solution. We want to show that we are capable. Because we fear being seen as incompetent if we ever start asking for help.

By doing so, we are doing “social withdrawal”. We don’t give our contacts a chance to start, become more efficient, enrich themselves. Yes, we separate ourselves. And the simple fact that we repeatedly cut ourselves off from others is enough to harm our fulfillment, our happiness. It can cause us unhappiness, without really knowing why.

That’s it, Marika, do you see where I’m going with this? A stupid blind spot at work, and we no longer see life in rosy terms. It is very simple.

Now, how to rectify the situation? I invite you to increase social activities among your colleagues. Because altruism is a good cure for loneliness and the dark thoughts that often accompany it.

– Congratulations. Make it a habit to appreciate others. For example, make a list of the good things your coworker and your boss accomplished during the week. And on Friday, at the end of the day, send the relevant people a short congratulatory email for something they did well. Usually, it does them a world of good when they start the week and read this on Monday morning.

– word. At your next office meeting, look around the room and spot people who are not or have little to no discussion. Those who are accustomed to silence for a thousand and one bad reasons. And give them a chance to speak. For example, using a kind and open sentence like “Alex, you’re good at seeing things from one perspective. Unpublished, I’m curious to know what you’re up to” (which you can’t answer with yes or no). Think about the topic we are discussing.

– Evaluation. Make a list of reasons to praise and recommend your colleagues, and then take every opportunity to do so as soon as you get your way. Because by valuing others, we show that we belong to the team.

Marika. Have a genuine interest in others, which increases your affinity, this faculty allows us to develop harmoniously if we form fruitful links with others.

By the way, French actor Philippe Coubert said in “Les cornets d’une jeune homme”: “”Jay” is full of others”.